Tools from the book.
One move, with a date.
These are the practical half of a book. “Beneath the Divorce” (working title) is being written by Miroslav Ćurčić from inside a long custody dispute. Most of it is diagnosis: why the pattern runs the way it does. But several finished chapters are instruments, and those are reproduced here in full, free, with nothing to sign up for.
They share one conviction: small, dated, measurable actions over inspiration. Three minutes. Two numbers. One spoke. One move with a date.
None of them promises a cure or a victory. In this system you do not win; you hold a course. These are the instruments for holding it.
Understand where you are
Before you change how you behave, find out what kind of divorce you are actually in.
Communicate
With the other parent, around the handover, and with a child who comes home carrying someone else’s words.
The BIFF response: reply to the logistics, not the bait
Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. Four sentences, zero material, topic closed. Plus the thirty-minute rule and one written channel.
Open the tool →Parallel parenting: two domains, minimal contact
When cooperative co-parenting is a fiction: two domains, short neutral handovers, rituals as anchors, and twenty to sixty minutes without questions.
Open the tool →When your child comes home with sentences that aren’t theirs
Don’t defend, don’t attack, don’t interrogate. Receive, redirect, continue. The answer “here is peace” is not said in words.
Open the tool →Document
The system does not hear a cry. It hears a record.
Hold yourself
Three minutes, two numbers, one spoke, one move with a date.
Can you let it go? The eight questions
A three-minute exercise for Friday evenings and the night before a hearing. Then the Scale, the Balloon and one move with a date.
Open the tool →The Father’s Wheel: six spokes, one move a month
Father, Law, People, Earnings, Body, Soul. Roundness before height. The lowest spoke is this month’s one move.
Open the tool →What these tools are not
The tools are not legal advice, therapy or a safety plan. Real victims of violence deserve protection unconditionally. The pattern has no gender. And every tool here looks at a mechanism, never at a person.
Beneath the Divorce
Working title of a book by Miroslav Ćurčić. It is still being written. The chapters these tools come from are finished; the book is not.
About the book →Do you recognise this?
The other half of the book is recognition: moments that parents in a long dispute describe in almost the same sentences. See which are yours.
Do you recognise this? →